“Bacon Lodged in Scrotum.”
So I get a text message from my friend today that is both the most horrible and wonderful text message I’ve ever received. Names will be withheld due to the sensitive nature of the subject:
“Dude…My brother got a piece of undigested bacon lodged in his scrotum!”
Immediately, all the blood in my brain rushed to my Anterior Laugh Muscle, the strongest and most deadly muscle in my body, sending me into a berserker coma. When I awoke, I had to get details. Here’s all I know.
It was from a Subway sandwich…it somehow didn’t digest properly and worked it’s way down there. The doctor had to cut it out! he’s fine now. I’ll call to get details.
First things first: He’ll never be “fine” again. Never again will he eat smoked meats without imagining them traveling down his throat, defiantly taking the off-ramp by his stomach that says “BRIDGE OUT,” crashing through that wall Smokey and the Bandit style, and leading all major blood cells on a Thelma and Louise chase that ends with a painful dive into Scrotum Gulch.
I’m a worrier. I come from a family of worriers. Not once have I worried that bacon that goes down my throat may end up in my balls. Now it’s all I can think about. I don’t know whether to give up bacon, or Subway, or just solid foods in general.
“What’s all this have to do with cartoons,” you ask? Here’s a Porky Pig short to keep us on topic. It’s got bacon and cursing rolled into one…just like my friend’s brother experienced first hand.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment