Games that cause Frustration, Pain and near-accidents

Everybody's played Slug Bug at some time in their life. Simple game, you see a bug, you call it out and hit someone. It includes both winning and frivolous, mild-violence. What's not to love?

Well, recently someone introduced me to a new game called Bruiser Cruiser.


(No, it does not involve being "cruised" by gay dudes while your dancing at Devil's Martini. "No, thank-you for asking, but I'm just trying to enjoy my drink here...")

Needless to say, Anie thought this was a new challenge at which she could excel and try to beat me (both literally and figuratively). Much to our mutual surprise, you would not believe the number of bugs, PT Cruiser and FJ Cruisers seen around this town.

So far the "game" (or bloodfest as I want to call it) has been going on for about three weeks and the score is 98-98.

When I reach 100 I will be righteously rewarded with a new Yankees cap. Score for me! I'm also required to say that if, by some strange means, I lose my eyesight and Anie gets to 100 first, she's supposed to get some yarn or string or ribbon or something... I'm not really sure what all that entails, but c'mon, you think I'm really going to lose when the Yankees are on the line?

98 t0 98. That nearly 200 freakin' bugs and cruisers seen in the last three weeks alone. Can someone try to show these trendy ass-hats how to buy a different car? Though, in fairness, the score would prolly be the same if we had a way of tracking hideously customized F150, S10 and other mini trucks, but I just can't find a way to make it acceptable to hit someone because I saw a Durango with the Virgin Mary on the hood.


If this post has inspired you to start your own game of pain and retribution, here are a few tips I've come up with.

- Stay in "Game Mode". These bastards might seem like they're everywhere, but they actually travel in packs. Yesterday we saw eight eligible targets just between McDowell and Thomas on Central. Other hot spots: Camelback between 16th street and 32nd street, the parking lot for Safeway/Einstein's Bagels on McDowell and 7th, the Safeway parking lot on Hayden & Chaparral, and Tempe Fucking Marketplace (can you tell who racked up the score while we were there??)

- Yes, all types of "cruisers" are allowed, but HHR's are not. Nice of Chevy to produce a vehicle that acts as a means of losing points in this game, no? (While I wrote this I realized that I missed a point the other day when we saw an old man on a beach cruiser at a stop light. Damn it!!)

- Do not call out "Slug Bug" and notice that the car is really a Prius. You will just look dumb and lose points.

- Do not try to score traffic going in the opposite direction on the freeway. It tends to make the driver slide over into the next lane and usually leads to the Prius-problem noted above.

- Fellas, you may want to wear a cup. I've been punched and near-punched in the twig-and-berries at least four times. One of these I feel was not "accidental". My counter-attack so far, put my money clip deep in my front pocket and watch her end up punching that instead of my leg.

- If things get stressful, don't try to beat your opponent to the punch. You'll just end up hitting the gear-shift and putting the transmission in neutral while driving down a busy road. The other cars don't like this so much.

- If you see this thing, punch first, say "wtf" later